Or “Why being in a group that can be a little bit like school, and a touch judgemental has saved my sanity and probably made me a better parent.”
Being a parent is hard. We knew it when we signed up for it but we still did it anyway.
Becoming a parent is like taking on a full time job, with constant overtime… forever.
However, it’s also the most rewarding thing in the world and you take enjoyment in every day you get smacked in the face with a TV remote by your cute six month old, in every second of shouting “NO, DON’T TOUCH THAT” when your crawling ten month old heads towards the plug socket, for every 3am you growl under your breath “Go back to bloody sleep” as the monitor goes off. They say it takes a village but nowadays I think it often takes a Facebook group of peers to make sure you don’t go batshit crazy.
I’m on a lot of parenting Facebook groups. From specific feeding groups, weaning groups, Wonder Weeks groups (Don’t know about Wonder Weeks? It’s a book and app that basically reassures you that your baby is developing fine and not fucking them up too much) and also a due date group. Some of these I actively participate in and some I just lurk. They are a bit of an addiction but they pass the smaller hours and the times when I need a break from Bing the rabbit being a twonk.
These groups can offer support and just a soundboard for questions. Though you get a lot of “What does this rash look like to you?” which a GP or 111 should really be the first port of call, the majority of information I’ve got from them, has been helpful and thoughtful.
One thing is, when you get a large group of women together you are going to have conflict. When you get a large group of mothers together, Eastenders screenwriters couldn’t write that kind of drama. There will be fireworks and feuds aplenty.
Whether it’s how you choose, or not choose as the case may be, to feed your baby. When to wean them? How much Calpol to use? Various sleep training methods, attachment parenting and any other buzzwords you can put through one of those label makers. You are going to get personalities and opinions from all sides. And guess what, they will not always get on. Sometimes this can be fraught with issues and can lead to people getting upset. The amount of times any post on these starts with “No bashing” is insane.
But ultimately, these are women, like yourself who are sleep deprived and trying to juggle the demands of someone who doesn’t know how to use the toilet yet let alone have the mental capacity to give their mum a break. You can find some true friends in these groups and also have a bit of a laugh along the way.
My due date group is in its…. third(?) manifestation. There have been splinter groups; threats of police being called on members and absolutely pointed comments that would send shivers down the spine of most normal people. But I love them! They feel like my crazy family who live in my telephone. If I post a picture of the contents of my daughters nappy I’m not going to get “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” that would occur on any normal Whatsapp chat but helpful answers and amusing anecdotes.
We have peer supporters, people who have access to links and early development information I’d never have dreamed of, tax gurus, a midwife, estate agents, someone studying maths at university, a tattoo artist and all sorts of other people from across the country. I can ask them anything and they will go out of their way to help. Even if it’s 3am and I’m crying my eyes out from sleep deprivation, there is always someone there.
They are my crazy online family and I wouldn’t be without them for the world. In fact the first people I tell that I have posted this blog will be them
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